


I feel like I'm ready for love

by ThilboBagginfeels



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-17
Updated: 2015-04-27
Packaged: 2018-03-13 11:20:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3379646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThilboBagginfeels/pseuds/ThilboBagginfeels
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What would you do if the one you love died? But in reality he didn't actually die, he just faked it. How would you react if you open the door, expecting your friend but is met with the person you thought was dead? Those questions was going through Bilbo Baggins head for months. Thorin, his partner and love of his life, died in an accident almost one year ago. Bilbo's world crumbled down to pieces when he heard the news. But little did he know, that it all was fake. Thorin never actually died. And the reason why he faked his own death is way beyond complicated. Bilbo's life would forever change, and he never knew that it would. And it all started the day the two of them first met.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Never let me go

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone. This is my first fanfiction. I have never published them online before so I'm a bit nervous. I hope you will all like this fanfiction. Just so you guys know, I'm from Sweden so if the spelling is wrong, it's because english is my second language.

_"Bilbo.. I'm so sorry to tell you. But Thorin is dead. He got into an accident and he didn't make it"_  
  
Those words changed everything. How can words leave such an impact on people? Words are so powerfull in their own little way. It was a normal day for Bilbo Baggins. He was just about to get ready for work. He sat at his kitchen table, drinking his coffee and reading the news paper. Then the phone rang. He ignored it at first but when the phone continued to ring for about 20 minutes he felt like there was something wrong. He got up and walked to the phone and picked it up. On the other end, his dear old friend Gandalf. He sounded out of breath.  
  
"Bilbo? It's Gandalf. I.. I have some horrible news." Bilbo frowned and was about to answer him when he got interrupted.  
  
"Bilbo.. I'm so sorry to tell you. But Thorin is dead. He got into an accident and he didn't make it."   
  
Everything stopped. It felt like everything was going in slow motion. His brain tried to progress what Gandalf had just told him. But it was too hard. The only word that got out of his mouth was. "Dead..Dead?"  
  
"Yes. He's dead. I'm so sorry. I know how much he meant to you." Bilbo couldn't move. He couldn't say anything else but those four words. Dead. Dead as in gone forever, never coming back.   
  
It's funny how life works. When you finally find happiness. It's taken from you in a second. Like it meant nothing. Like his happiness didn't mean a damn thing. It's not fair, life is not fair. But this, this is just too much. "I need to go now. Call me later" Bilbo said before he hung up and sank down to the floor. All his life Bilbo have been searching for that certain happiness and now when he finally found it, it gets ripped apart in pieces. Like nothing really mattered. Thorin was everything, he was the one. He still is, and he will always be the one.  
  
Bilbo got up from the floor and walked into his bedroom. He laid down on the bed and got into a fetus position. He held his knees tightly against his stomach, it was the only way to get the pain away. The only way to not break down and cry. He didn't want to cry, not now. It's too early in the morning to cry. He just wants to wake up from this nightmare and find Thorin next to him. Laying there and holding Bilbo in his arms. Like he did before the accident. Like he always did. Just thinking about a life without him that is the true nightmare.  
  
A life without his smile. A life without hearing his voice. A life without his hugs and kisses. A life without hearing him snoring when he's sleeping next to him. A life without feeling his arms around Bilbo's waist. A life without all the little things that made him unique. A life without the love of your life. Yeah, that sure sound like a nightmare. And apparently that is Bilbo's life from this day forward.  
  
  
 _"I love you Bilbo Baggins. And I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Never let me go"  
_ _"I will never let you go. If you do the same for me"  
_ _"Of course I will never let you go dummy. You are everything to me"  
_ _"Ditto"_  
  
  
Bilbo woke up in a panic, sweat running down his back and forehead. A nightmare? No that was a flashback. A flashback to the days of pure and genuine happiness. Oh how he would take those days back. He wants them back so desperately. He wants Thorin by his side. He wants everything to be back to normal but he knows that this is his reality now. This is his life. And it won't change. It will not get any easier. It will only get harder for each day that passes him by. Living without Thorin is hell on earth. 


	2. My heart is ready to burst

It's been 6 months now. 6 months of agonising pain. 6 months of not being able to sleep properly because every time he closed his eyes he saw Thorins face. His friends and family have been an amazing support and without them Bilbo wouldn't be able to even continue on living. Today was no difference. Dwalin, one of Thorins and Bilbos many friends, would today come over and Bilbo actually looked forward to it. It had been a while since he saw Dwalin so he have been missed. Bilbo was about to sit down and try to read the news paper when he heard the doorbell. "Wow he's early." Bilbo said to himself when he got up and walked to the door. When he opened the frontdoor he saw a sight he will never forget. There he was, the man who was supposed to be stone dead. Thorin Oakenshield.

"Bilbo?" That voice. Oh that voice. How he had missed hearing that voice say his name. The shock on Bilbos face was showing. But the shock turned to anger when he finally understood that this was actually reality. "What? How? You are supposed to be dead. Not standing outside of my house!" Bilbo shouted. Thorin looked down on the ground before he looked into Bilbos eyes. "I will answer all of your questions. If we do it inside. I need to speak with you alone" Thorin said with a low voice. Bilbo hesitated for a minute before moving aside to let Thorin in.

 

Everything looked the same as it did 6 months ago. 6 months filled with regret and remorse. Thorin regretted doing what he did the moment it happened. He knew how much it would hurt Bilbo but he had to do it. When Bilbo finally entered the livingroom Thorin could see how angry Bilbo was. And he understood why and he didn't blame Bilbo for feeling in a way betrayed. They both sat down opposite from each other. "Could you please explain why you are not dead" Bilbo said. Thorin looked into Bilbos eyes and nodded.

  
"It's a long and complicated story. But I will do my best to make you understand why I did what I did." Thorin said before taking a deep breath. "There is this man. His name is Azog. And his family and mine have been in a feud for as long as I can remember. It's finally starting to calm down, but Azog he's always had a mind of his own. He's after me and nobody knows why. Not even his family knows why and they want him to stop because the feud is in a way over. But Azog he is filled with rage against me and I feel threatened. He showed up 6 months ago and told me so many horrible things and he actually threatened to harm you. I couldn't let him get to you. So in my eyes the only option was to fake my own death. I just want him to back off. But he doesn't seem to do so. There was people who knew that I would fake my death. And they promised to keep you safe until Azog would move on from all of this. But he never did. So.."

"Wait.. Who knew about you faking your own death?" Bilbo interrupted Thorin. "My family and friends" Thorin answered. Bilbo gasped. "Bilbo. They needed to keep this a secret from you. I told them to. Because if you knew, Azog would. And I couldn't put you in danger. I just couldn't."

 

Bilbo got up from the armchair and so did Thorin. "Do you have any idea how much all of this affected me? Screw Azog. Screw it all. You hurt me Thorin. You faked your own death, told everyone you and probably everyone I know about your plan and didn't care about letting me in. It's fucked up! I cried myself to sleep over something that didn't even happen? You left me behind like garbage and you think that it's okey just because in your head you were protecting me? Then let me break it down for you. It didn't protect me at all. This ordeal hurt me more than you will ever understand. I thought that I had lost the love of my life! I thought that everything I had been searching and fought for was dead. And now you tell me that it was all a prank? Do I look amused to you Thorin Oakenshield?" Bilbo screamed out and stormed out of the house. Thorin sighed and put his hands over his face. "Let him calm down." Thorin looked up and saw Gandalf and Dwalin standing in the hallway. "You heard all that?" Thorin asked them. They nodded. "Well I don't blame Bilbo for reacting that way. He truly was hurt" Dwalin said and walked into the livingroom. Gandalf closed the door and walked into the livingroom aswell. "Let's sit here and wait for Bilbo. He will come when the time is right" Gandalf said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter was hard to write because I had a hard time finding a proper reason for Thorins actions. But here we are with the second chapter. I still don't know how long this fic will be but let's just enjoy the ride. And also this chapter is written in both Bilbos and Thorins p.o.v's. Hope you all enjoyed this chapter. I sure did.


	3. Turning Page

It had taken an hour or two before Bilbo could go back. All of this was way to much for Bilbo to take in. But he needed to know more and why Thorin did this without telling him. He opened the door and walked inside. He then heard some laughters from his livingroom and he walked towards the room. And there they all were. Thorin, Gandalf and Dwalin. Throin stood up and walked towards Bilbo, but he lifted his hand to stop him. Thorin did as Bilbo wished and stopped walking. "Why?" Bilbo said with a weak voice. "Do you really wanna know?" Thorin asked. Bilbo nodded, not being able to say a word. 

"Okay. Azog had always been after me for no valid reason. His father and my father had been friends when they were younger but something happened and they had a huge fall out. That ended their friendship. After that they stopped having any form of contact but Azog started to terrorize me and my family. He told me about things he would do to my loved ones and I got so afraid to ever let someone in because of him. Then I found you and I fell in love. Azog has eyes everywhere and reached out to me. And that was when he told me that he was coming after you. I felt like everything was my fault, for dragging you into my life. So, I staged my own death to make Azog hopefully disappear. But he didn't. Apperantly he knew that it was staged and told me that he was still going to find you and hurt you. So in order to protect you like a good boyfriend, I decided to come clean." Thorin said and looked down at the floor. 

Bilbo sighed. Not knowing what he should believe anymore. "You truly did hurt me, you know. And how will I ever be able to fully trust you after this?" he asked. Thorin looked up and at Bilbo. "You can trust me. I did a mistake. I'm sorry" he said. 

"I have one question though. If I can ask it to you" Bilbo said and looked at Thorin. Thorin nodded and Bilbo took a deep breathe. "Why is it so hard for you to stay by my side? Why did you leave?" he asked and waited for the answer. Thorin was obviously taken aback from that remark. "Because I'm a runner. I never stay. I always run when things get to serious. I have never been able to settle down. But with you everything changed. I wanted to stay. I wanted to settle down. But Azog haunted me and followed me everywhere. I just wanted it to end, but I didn't. I failed. He knows that my death was a staged one but this time I won't be running away again. I'm gonna stay and fight. Because you are everything to me, and I never want to let you go again. I promise." Thorin said and walked closer to Bilbo. "I wrote you a letter when I was hiding from Azog, but I couldn't send it. Could you please read it now?" Thorin asked and Bilbo nodded. He gave Bilbo the letter and smiled his cheeky smile. Bilbo's heart melted when he saw that but he couldn't smile back, he was still angry and upset with Thorin and the whole situation.

When the evening was leading to an end and the others had left Bilbo's house, he walked to his armchair by his fireplace. He took the letter and took a deep breathe before he started to read. 

"I always knew it was you. And now I'm gonna tell you. I wanna kiss you hard on the lips and all over your body. I want to touch you and love you. I want to hold you and never let you go. What if I told you that you are the love of my life? Well you are and you will always be just that. You are my first love, my first true love. The one you'll never forget. The one that lasts forever. I hope you feel the same as I do even after all of this. Because love is a curious thing. I never thought I would fall for you like I did. I miss you when you aren't here with me. And hearing your voice when you call me is an amazing feeling. You mean the world to me and I know that I mean the world to you, you have told me it before. You complete me, I complete you. I guess this is what love is. Pain and happiness. Never leave me. Never let me go. Never go away, I want you now and I want you forever. I'll love you til the day I truly do die.  
\- Thorin Oakenshield"

Bilbo's eyes was filled with tears and sobs could be heard in the room. "I love you too" he said and held the letter tightly to his chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg hey guys. I'm so so sorry that this chapter is so late. School have taken over every aspect of my everday life. But I will try and write more.


End file.
